Blur Sotong

Lately things have been rather blur for me. It's not old age, bad eyesight or the haze to blame. Just questions of "what am i doing? what's next and that sort..."

Sometimes i get this feeling of not knowing what the hell it is i'm looking for or what the hell it is that i'm doing etc. Mid life crisis? Burn out? Well not so according to Whirlwind who was generous enough to brave the after-hours traffic amidst the rain and getting lost on her way to my place.

We of course never debate or share anything without the presence of food...hmm. We had our fortune cookie, pasta, cordon bleu and Big Ass Jug of Watermelon at D' Fortune. Something about food that makes us think and share better. I was rambling & bitching about work, management, annual leaves...the whole nine yards and i began to feel much better. Amidst all these Whirlwind was the commited listener and the "button pusher". She was unrelenting and merciless in a sadistic way. Tightening her vice-like grip on my throat & squeezing everything out.

Then she pops the million dollar question..."What are you doing about personal development?" Puta madre! Is she a witch or something? That question shut me up and...ping! I continue eating. Something registers. I pretend not to hear. Puta madre i am avoiding it...i hear this voice in my head.

Today as i was walking in a bookstore and as i was browsing i realise there is more i need to learn and can learn to improve myself but to have admitted to it yesterday would have made me feel inadequate. Today i learn this for me. Today i choose to embrace my weakness and learn of ways to improve me. Today i stop my 24/7 victim story. Today i take ownership of my weakness.

Today i bought for me Think Like a Manager.